Comments for Couch trip

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Comment on Othello complex by A feminist grad student and Othello | Liquid Ink

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Comment on Some thoughts on The Road Less Travelled by Ellie

Ellie — Sun, 09 Jun 2013 19:42:29 +0000

Thank you for this answer. I also loved his book and when I recently found out how he lived it was very shocking for me. More then anything else how he fail to love his children. I felt very silly for looking up to his book as my guidance …but now when I see your point of view…I agree…it’s all part of us imperfect humans.

Comment on Vulnerability Hangover by Pete

Pete — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 07:15:24 +0000

Hey Di, great to hear from you. Like Grad, I’ve missed your voice and your updates. The Anger talk is thankfully a distant memory and now I’ve just given a Sex-Ed talk to one hundred and fifty 15-year old boys (and their teachers). It went OK but I had to de-stress with an overdose of sugar which was exactly not the way to go! Lots of love to you and your family. xx

Comment on Vulnerability Hangover by Pete

Pete — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 07:09:58 +0000

Hey shrink on the couch! Nice to hear from you. I can well believe that about Walmart and parenting moments. We now have a Walmart here but I haven’t ventured there yet (especially not with a 2-year old). And thank God and Winnicott for ‘good enough parenting’

Comment on Vulnerability Hangover by DoctorDi

DoctorDi — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 02:13:33 +0000

Wow, Pete. You’ll be pleased to know we’re still living in a parallel parenting universe! I haven’t given Master J the smack on the bottom myself yet, but he’s certainly asked for it enough times and I know it might happen one day. Things do. Sometimes they happen. And I bet that like Grad, your colleagues probably really appreciated the story you shared. It’s very human, very relatable, and very much the perfect way to illustrate your point and open the workshop. It does take guts to make any parenting admission in that forum, though, so well done you, and I bet most people breathed a sigh of relief knowing you weren’t planning to lecture them from on high. Nope, you’re in touch with your humanity and your failings, and I think that makes you a far better professional. Sending love to your family from mine. xxxx

Comment on On turning 43 and reading Bluets by DoctorDi

DoctorDi — Fri, 07 Jun 2013 02:05:31 +0000

Pete, hi…oh, it’s so nice to be back here, checking in on you and everyone else. Grad emailed me and I realised with a pang how long it had been since I’d read any of your blogs, and how much I miss you all. I think I do actually miss writing my own blog, too, but I don’t feel ready to go back to it. Things are still tumultuous. I’m still in need of something I haven’t been able to identify or find. But I wanted to say a very, very belated happy birthday, and to reassure you that a) my birthdays are often fraught too; I think it’s very common to argue with loved ones precisely on those days we’d hoped to enjoy and b) the tantrums are normal. Oh, so very normal. Oh, so very frequent. Oh, so very draining. Oh, yes.

Comment on Vulnerability Hangover by shrink on the couch

shrink on the couch — Fri, 17 May 2013 16:36:08 +0000

I jumped right over to your blog because I recognized Dr. Brown’s catch phrase. (Those catchy titles work!) I think you did all the good sharing. Just because we feel the vulnerability hangover doesn’t mean we over shared. It can often mean we shared something meaningful and helpful.

I know as a workshop attendee I very much appreciate when a presenter shares their own flaws. We’ve all got them. I’m no exception, especially on the anger front. I came from a family with a lot of loud, sharp, and sometimes cruel expressions of anger. After years of preaching and therapizing with a lot of angry parents in trouble for actual and verified child abuse, I eventually put the anger management tools to work on myself and can say they have been tremendously helpful. Took awhile, but I’m a different person today, in my home, especially. Three teens in the house means plenty of opportunity for relapse but I find I’m no longer brooding for hours after an angry moment and no longer generally making myself hard to live with.

By the way, hang in there with the Terrific Two’s. I can remember a parking lot incident I’m not proud of. It involved a stubborn 2 yr old who would NOT let me buckle him into his car seat. Flailing and spitting and sweating (both of us) I was a little too rough getting him to sit still and did the same sheepish look-around “who saw that?” Thankfully this was a Walmart parking lot and if you know anything about Walmart shoppers from the web you will know what I did was mild compared to the typical parenting examples I see everyday in the aisles. And nobody was around to see. So I was spared judgemental scrutiny. And there were more examples at home of course… but I stopped being down on myself. Kids are tough especially when the kicking and flailing is heading straight into freshly painted walls. I believe in the “good enough parenting” method. My kids are all well adjusted. My stubborn car-seated son is independent, working two jobs, graduating from high school with honors and readying to attend a major university. And he even seems to like me

Comment on Vulnerability Hangover by Pete

Pete — Thu, 16 May 2013 20:03:02 +0000

Hi Grad, thanks for the reassurance. It’s always good to hear from more experienced parents about how normal these struggles are. As for your former friend getting angry with you like that, I think she’s definitely lost perspective about the true meaning and value of friendship.

As for anger …. ‘eish’ is a good South African word that describes what we often can’t find words for. I find as knowledgeable as I am about anger, it still catches me off-guard sometimes. I think I need to research something more life-affirming such as empathy and love next.